A Balanced Approach to Screen Time

Screen time management is a huge part of parenting. It’s a challenge for those of us in our late 20s and beyond because we can’t really go to our own parents and ask for advice. I’ve frequently said, “We’re flying blind.” and in many ways we are. Thankfully we have many resources available at our fingertips, in, you guessed it, technology!

The internet has been going strong since the 90s. The iPhone was invented in 2007. So in the 20ish years since the debut of the internet age we now have some research to tell us how children are affected by it.

Screen Time and Our Family

Every family is different. The research and conversations I have had with knowledgeable folk all say the same thing. Each brain is different, every child responds differently to screen time. So there is no one-size, or time-in-front-of-a-screen, that fits all.

Mr. PDH and I have two kids, and one of them has a learning disability. So our kiddos each respond very differently to the screen.

Given the fact that we have only 20 years of research to lean on and technology keeps changing fast, how do we approach this tough topic?

The answer friends is complexly simple; it’s balance.

(Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. Meaning, at no additional cost to you, I may earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Read about affiliate link usage here.)

The Heart-work of Teaching Trust and Honesty

The goal for all of us as parents is to raise well-rounded children. We want to launch our kids into society with a robust balance of skills.

Since our end goal is to create healthy adults, Mr. PDH and I have sought to get to the heart of what we need to address when it comes to screen time responsibility. We’ve targeted our teaching at trust and honesty.

Nearly every conversation we have now with our kids about screen time leads back to those two big ideas. The internet is a big, wide, expanse of beauty and filth so we need our kids to grow in wisdom as they navigate it on their own some day.

The only way we can have the end game of responsibility is to let them have reasonable, and what we feel is appropriate, freedom as they age and grow.

*Let’s talk about what research says are ideal/normal day to day living screen time limits for kids. As you read though, filter this like all things you read and think about what’s right for YOUR household.*

The Research Tells Us

Screen Time from Infancy to Age Three

Pediatric research can give us so much wonderful information now. Bottomline, children under the age of 3 (up until the 3rd birthday), should have as little as possible. I am biased and say that it’s not the end of the world for a 2 year old to play a game on Mom’s smartphone. Especially if its on an airplane, roadtrip, the DMV, a germ- filled doctors office, or even FaceTiming a relative.

With day in and day out living though, the AAP hopes you can create as much screen free time as possible. When you are thinking big picture, just challenge yourself with balance! As I look back on new mom me, I didn’t have this information and I sure wish I did.

If you are like me and really benefit from having specific information to ground your thinking as you start seeking balance this is a great article. Here is another one with media tips.

Screen Time for Young Children

The AAP suggests no more than an hour a day for children ages 3 until 6. They also suggest focusing on high-quality educational programs.

I sure wish I had this knowledge when my kids were little. I didn’t blow it every day but I did exceed an hour of screen time all.the.time Not exceeding an hour a day for a nearly 6 year old is practically impossible in our culture. Especially if they are in school or daycare and have access to a screen.

So like all things in this post, it’s about the ebb and flow within the suggested norm. Some days you may exceed the recommendation and others you may not. It’ll be okay.

Screen Time for Children

This is when the water starts to get murky. When your kiddo is 6 or older you most likely know how they respond to excessive amounts of screen time. I’d just encourage you to find as balanced a approach as possible. Consistency and follow through is key and if you can create safeguards in your house that will give you sanity in the long run.

Our family found that the sweet spot sat between 2-3 hours a day with a few days in a row (often), like weeknights especially, without screen time.

Screen Time for Preteens and Teens

We are new to this part of the conversation but have found some helpful information. It all goes back to working toward trust and honesty with our kids. In general we try to make sure the kids don’t exceed 3 hours a day of video games, internet surfing, or TV time. We can now begin to give them more freedom of management. Going a few days without screen time isn’t new to them. They can easily miss a weeknight of playing video games with their friends. Entire Saturdays are spent outside or on outings doing things they enjoy and they don’t miss the screen.

The tricky aspect is the entry of cell phones. Helping our kids manage how often, when to answer texts and such helps them not live tethered to their phone. Our 11 year old doesn’t have a cell phone, but our 14 year old does and we are actively having conversations with him about device management.

We have chosen to allow social media account at age 16. That may change, especially as our daughter enters middle school and many of her friends have accounts. For now, we are starting the conversation with saying 16 is our family rule. The reason, we want our kids to develop a little more maturity than the minimum age requirement of 13. As an educator I know their executive functions will be more developed. They’ll have better self-control and self-regulation the longer we wait.

Our Family’s Screen Time Management

We started to actually engage in managing screen time when our son was four, in 2008. About 8 years before some of the research I’m siting was even published. Talk about flying blind!

So through trial and error and considering the needs of our own children (and one has a learning disability) we found the following plan to work well as our grounding point for Pine Daisy House.

• No screen time before or after school Monday – Thursday
• All devices are docked in our bedroom at 8pm.
• When the kids get screen time they get two hours a day but must do an hour of reading to earn it.
• After their two hours of reading the kids need to read minute for minute to earn more screen time.
• We try to live by the above rules 75% of the time. Because, life.
• The kids don’t have any screens in their room, just $6 alarm clocks.
• We have apple products and use the imbedded screen time/restrictions built into our computer, iPods, and iPhones.
• All apps are screened through me as the “family organizer” so I have to approve everything that’s installed on the kids devices.
• We check all texts, call history, search history, and photos multiple times a week when the kids dock their devices at night.
• We have set a reasonable grade expectation for both kids. If their grades drop, devices are taken until they reach an acceptable level.
• We have an open device policy. No passwords on anyone’s device, and we can check each others pictures, texts, and history at any point (yep parents included).

It has taken us years to create this system of screen time management in our home. As we have worked through the learning disability diagnosis for one of our kids, our system has flexed, changed, and evolved.

I don’t often share such specific details about our family’s life. Lately, though, I’ve felt a strong nudge to explain what we’ve learned and is working for our family. I dearly hope, it can be used to help create intention in your home.

With Hope for You and Your Intentional Home,

PS. Wondering about screen time alternatives? Don’t worry, I’m cooking up another blog post for ya.

Articles, Videos, and Books that have helped us parent with balance in mind.

• Here are some great online article or videos: (these are some of the best I’ve read/seen)
• Simon Sinek On Millennials In The Workplace– I know this one can be frustrating if viewed singularly but when viewed through the big picture I thought it was very helpful.
• 10 Reasons Why Handheld Devices Should Be Banned– The first article I read when I started my journey, very informative.
• 3 Fears about Screen Time for Kids- and why they’re not true– a great proponent for balance
• Here are some wonderful books that have shaped our parenting and understanding of child development.
• Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp
• Generation iY by Tim Elmore
• Cause and Cure in the Classroom by Margaret Searle
• Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay