Kids and New Beginnings: A Back to School Example

Do you think it’s possible to prepare your children for new beginnings? Are they old enough to navigate the tricky waters of change in their life? Well friend, today I’m here to tell that it’s possible. Your child can walk into a new circumstance emotionally ready to take on the challenge of change and the unknown.

Sometimes in life you find yourself having the same conversation in different ways. Or the same life lesson is echoed across books, music, pod-casts, sermons, or even inspirational facebook posts.  Well it’s time for a another school year and I’m all too familiar with this new beginning conversation. 

“How can I help my kid have a smooth transition into a new school year?” 

“My son/daughter is starting at a new school, they don’t have many friends yet and I am trying to help them start off on the right foot, what can I do?”

“We’re about to experience a big change (move, divorce, new baby, new school) in our family, what can I do to give my child stability?”

For the sake of our conversation today, let’s continue to use going back to school (or starting a new grade) as our illustration. Even if you find yourself slightly outside this generalization I hope there are commonalities you can apply to your intentional life. 

Embrace the Human need for Rituals

Oxytocin is sometimes called the comfort hormone. It is the hormone that gives comfort, love, and has a calming affect. What happens when you think about Christmas morning, or the holiday season in general? Do you get the warm fuzzies? Memorable traditions from our childhood can also illicit this feeling. Now, I’m not suggesting you make new beginnings and change into such a warm and fuzzy experience that you are practically wearing a Santa costume. But by using a simple strategy you can create a small ritual that provides comfort for your kiddos. Humans crave habit, stability and feeling grounded. Providing a predictable rhythm to change and new beginnings will help relieve stress and keep your family grounded.  

I once heard that we as parents can give our children the gift of the best “Home Court Advantage” during their growing years. If we do, imagine how they’ll look back on “home” when they launch into the world?

The New Beginning Questioning and Preparation Strategy

As a parent, it’s my job to help my kids learn to transition successfully through seasons of life. Ebb and flow, change, growth, new life, and dying off, it’s all part of living. Part of my role is to guide my children through their own new beginnings. One of the ways Mr. PDH and I do this is by providing predictability within whatever seasonal change we are experiencing. We do this through questioning and preparation.

New Beginning Questions

“What will be the same in 5th grade?”

“What will be different?”

“Can you expect some of the same experiences this year?”

“How will those experiences be slightly different?”

“What questions or worries do you have?” 

“How can you help yourself be successful if you aren’t sure what to expect?”

“What are you looking forward to?

“Do we know everything that will happen?”

“Even though we are unsure about some things, are there a lot of things we do know?”

…you get the idea.

Through these different types of questions, I’m giving my children assurance. They know it’s normal, expected even, to be nervous when they are embarking on a new beginning. Our son is learning how to navigate his emotions with our support so his anxiety doesn’t turn into crippling fear. He can keep moving forward. We want our daughter to embark bravely upon unknown circumstances so she can be open to making life-giving friendships. So she walks into an unfamiliar classroom with an open heart.

Parenting with Adulthood in Mind

They’ll both need to do that often as adults right? The difference is, we’re parenting them still; teaching them HOW to begin new things with courage. By keeping the conversation going, forcing them gently to answer questions; providing guiding feedback; we are giving stability and comfort. We’re actively nurturing the hearts of our children. Everytime we embark on an unusual experience (a big vacation, a new grade level, a puppy, an extracurricular, a new school, moving, conversations about college someday) we ask these types of questions. So by default, change and new things have a predictable rhythm for our kids. It’s not something to be feared, but rather, new things can be prepared for.

Prepare For the Unknowns

The preparation portion of the strategy is really easy to implement no matter the age of your kids. It has so much power though! We can remove a lot of anxiety just by preparing for the knowns. Tools like, conversations and school supply shopping are setting our children up emotionally to react positively to the unknowns. 

Back to school supply shopping is a great time to use the prepare portion of the strategy. Take your kids to the store with you and talk through the list together. Maybe you can grab an ice cream cone after to process how exciting a new year will. With my big kids we’re in the land of setting goals and talking about healthy action steps to make those goals become a reality. Using some of the questions from the list above during your time with them can help their mental transition.

I’m in a unique position because for many years I taught or volunteered at the elementary school both my kids attended. My oldest is on his own now in middle school. He rides the bus and navigates his classes each day. He’s got to figure out why his locker won’t open and what he’s going to have for lunch in the cafeteria. Then after school he needs to change and get to cross country or track practice. Not to mention his needing to make new friends. Just through the course of circumstances, he only knew one person in all his classes in 7th grade!

Getting a Glimpse

Talk about letting go! So even though I try to play it cool during the preparation portion of this strategy, I’m inwardly freaking out! I have to remind myself, I’ve done the work and prepared him. Image my pride this summer, during the drop off portion at sleep away camp when I saw my son bravely introduce himself to nearly a dozen strangers. These glimpses into the man he’s becoming remind me that the work is worth it.

Creating and Celebrating your Home Court Advantage

After the school year is well underway and everyone’s habits are firmly set we celebrate as a family. Any kind of special, even small, celebration can help your young ones recognize the achievement and courage they’ve shown. We can’t control every single thing our children encounter in their life. The home front provides a soft cushion of support. Tools and strategies help us teach and guide our kids. I hope your healthy, life-giving, conversations at home launch your child into their new beginning. Small steps of preparation and celebration done with intention will be just the comfort your kids need as they embark on a new beginning.